California Divorce and Family Law Mediation Blog

Now that you made the difficult decision of getting divorced, you may be wondering about your options. Most likely, people you know went to court to get a divorce. Maybe, you also heard about divorce mediation and are wondering what it entails. Which one should you choose: divorce mediation or divorce court?

Control over the Outcome:
Divorce Mediation: One of the most important advantages of divorce mediation is that you remain in full control. Only you and your spouse will decide over your finances, your children, and other issues important to you. You will negotiate your terms and no one will decide for you.

Divorce Court: In court, a judge will make the decisions. Once you or your attorney presented your case, the judge will decide who pays support, gets custody of the children, or keeps the house and the car. At this point, you no longer have control over any of the issues. In addition, judges are never as familiar with your case as you are and outcomes in court are often unpredictable and never guaranteed.

Costs:
Divorce Mediation: Divorce mediation can be very cost effective compared to litigation. Usually, you share the fees of the mediator and any experts you might use during the mediation. If you decide to consult with an attorney, the cost is minimal compared to hiring an attorney to handle your whole case.

Divorce Court: Usually, you will hire an attorney to represent you in court. Most divorce attorneys require a retainer or deposit and charge hourly fees. Since you will not share the attorney with your spouse, you each have to pay your respective attorney’s fees. In addition, to be heard by a judge, you have to file a motion with the court. In most California counties, you have to pay a fee for each motion you file.

Time:
Divorce Mediation: Divorce mediation is usually more time efficient than going to court. On average, couples need between 4 to 8 sessions, with each session lasting between 1 to 2 hours. (In California, you cannot be divorced in less than 6 months. This is due to a jurisdictional waiting period, which starts with the service of the Petition on the Respondent. Even if you reach an agreement in less than 6 months, your divorce will not become final until the waiting period is completed.)

Divorce Court: Cases pending in divorce court can take a long time. Courts today do not have enough resources to handle all the cases. Often, motions are scheduled months in advance and you have to wait even longer for trial dates.  Scheduling conflicts between the parties and/or attorneys can result in even longer delays. In addition, issues are sometimes blown out of proportion requiring more hearings and thus, lengthening the process.

Stress:
Divorce Mediation: Going through a divorce is difficult and stressful but divorce mediation can reduce your stress. The mediation setting is more intimate and less intimidating. You do not have to present your case in front of a judge and other litigants who are waiting their turn. In addition, part of mediation is communication and learning to communicate better with each other. This is often useful when you have children and are considering co-parenting after your divorce. This can tremendously reduce conflict and defuse stressful situations.

Divorce Court: The process in court is adversarial and based on arguing different positions in front of a judge. One side will win and that always means that the other loses. Usually, stress and arguments between parents increase over the course of the case. As a result, not only will you suffer from the consequences, but also your children who are usually torn between the parties.

Confidentiality:
Divorce Mediation: In California, private divorce mediation is confidential. None of the communications taking place in mediation can be made public or used later in court. Only the final agreement will become part of your divorce judgment.

Divorce Court: Court files are public record and accessible by anyone, unless sealed by the court, which only happens in rare circumstances. Any motions filed with the court, any declarations portraying your situation, any testimony you deliver will be public.

Summary:
Divorce mediation simplifies the divorce process. It is often cost effective and less time consuming. Most of all, you retain full control and make all the decisions yourself. Mediation can reduce stress and anxiety for you and your children and lays the foundation for future co-parenting. While not every case is suited for mediation, it is a viable option for many and may be a better choice for you, too.

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Note: This article is not legal advice. It only addresses general matters and should not be relied on by readers or considered legal advice. Only California law is addressed. Contact a lawyer in your state to discuss the specifics of your case and the applicable law.

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