California Divorce and Family Law Mediation Blog

If you get divorced and are the parent of a minor child, you should consider the possibility of co-parenting. While divorce means the end of your marriage, it does not have to mean the end of your parenting relationship. The transition may be difficult for you, but is always much worse for your child. Would you rather have your child feeling lost and stuck in the middle during and after the divorce, or would you prefer your child to have two safe and loving homes?

What is Co-Parenting?
Co-parenting means that you and your ex-spouse keep raising your child together, even after your divorce or separation. You continue to share all the parental responsibilities and privileges and give your child the consistency in life it needs. While you are now living in two separate households, the goal is for both of you to stay as involved as possible in the life of your child.

Co-parenting can vary in degrees depending on the parents involved and their comfort levels with each other. Some parents are a better parenting team after the divorce than they were during their marriage.

Why Should You Consider Co-Parenting?
Your child always needs both of you. Children always do better overall, when both parents remain involved their lives. In the beginning, it will help your child deal with all the changes caused by your divorce or separation. You child needs to know that it is still loved by both of you and it should not suffer because your relationship did not work out.

As a whole, co-parenting will give your child a sense of security. Children need both their parents and love both of you. Seeing you work together will make your child feel safe and loved. Furthermore, children benefit immensely from consistent rules in both homes. Rather than trying to be the “cooler” parent, you should impose the same rules, punishment and rewards. To do this effectively, you need to work together; you need to co-parent.

Does Co-Parenting Work?
Co-parenting is not suitable for every situation. If domestic violence was an issue in your marriage, co-parenting is probably not the solution. In such a case, physical safety is the most important goal for your child.

However, under “normal” circumstances, co-parenting can be very effective and will provide your children with the start in life they deserve.

Your specific circumstances will also determine the best solution for you. For example, having both homes in close proximity will make it much easier to work together than being on opposite ends of town or living on different coasts.

Always keep in mind, to every problem there is a solution as long as you are willing to make it work.

This article is part of a series on Co-Parenting. Topics covered in the following weeks include “What Should be Included in a Co-Parenting Agreement?” and “Helpful Tips for Parents Considering Co-Parenting”
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Note: This article is not legal advice. It only addresses general matters and should not be relied on by readers or considered legal advice. Only California law is addressed. Contact a lawyer in your state to discuss the specifics of your case and the applicable law.

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