What is divorce mediation?
How does mediation work in a divorce?
How long does divorce mediation take?
How much does divorce mediation cost?
Is divorce mediation confidential?
How do I start divorce mediation?
How do I prepare for divorce mediation?
Do I need a lawyer during divorce mediation?
Can I still hire or consult with an attorney if I choose divorce mediation?
If I still have to hire an attorney, why do I even need divorce mediation?
Do I have to go to court?
What is the difference between a Memorandum of Understanding and a Marital Settlement Agreement?
I heard that divorce mediation could help my children. Is this true?
What happens if things don’t work out after we are divorced or if things change or we disagree on something?
I only want to get a legal separation. Can I use mediation, too?
We have never been married but need some kind of agreement to separate our lives? Can we use mediation?

What is divorce mediation?
In divorce mediation the mediator, a neutral third party, assists you and your spouse in negotiating an agreement. Ideally, the agreement will settle all issues related to your divorce including custody and parenting of your children, division of your property, and financial support. Only you and your spouse will make any of these decisions concerning your divorce.

You will meet for a number of sessions until you have settled all of your issues. The mediator will guide you through the mediation process, helping you to negotiate and communicate with each other. S/he will also provide relevant legal information in an objective and neutral way so that you can make informed decisions. However, the mediator will not give you legal advice on any of your issues.

How does mediation work in a divorce?
Instead of going to court, you and your spouse will meet with a mediator and negotiate the terms of your divorce. You (or your attorney) will still have to file a petition for divorce with the court as well as some other paperwork, including the final judgment papers. Usually, you do not have to go to any court hearings but rather settle everything outside of court.

How long does divorce mediation take?
On average, couples need between 4 to 8 sessions, with each session lasting between 1 to 2 hours. It largely depends on the issues that need to be settled and the complexity of each issue. Ultimately, it is up to you how much time you need and want to spend. Almost all divorces settled in mediation take less time than divorces litigated in court.

In addition, in California, you cannot be divorced in less than 6 months. This is due to a jurisdictional waiting period, which starts with the service of the Petition on the Respondent. Even though you may reach an agreement in less than 6 months, your divorce will not become final until the waiting period is completed.

How much does divorce mediation cost?
Divorce mediation can be a very cost effective way to end your marriage. To a large degree, the cost depends on how much time you spent in mediation. One advantage is that you will usually share the fees of the mediator and any experts you decide to hire. Overall, divorce mediation generally costs less than hiring an attorney for each party to represent you in court.

Is divorce mediation confidential?
Yes, in California, private divorce mediation is confidential. That means that anything said during your mediation is confidential and cannot later be used in court. Furthermore, you and your spouse can agree on additional confidentiality rules for your mediation. For example, you can agree that neither one of you can talk to your friends and families about the mediation.

How do I start divorce mediation?
The first thing you will need to do is find a mediator. The internet is probably the best way to do this. Simply use an online directory or a search engine such as Google to find a mediator in your area. Perhaps someone you know can recommend a mediator to you. Once you have found a mediator, simply contact him/her and they will guide you the rest of the way. More info

How do I prepare for divorce mediation?
Being prepared for your mediation is important as it can reduce stress and lead to a more satisfying process and result. Among other things, one of the most important steps in the preparation is getting your papers in order. Learn more about preparation here.

Do I need a lawyer during divorce mediation?
Generally, you do not need an attorney during your divorce mediation. However, many mediators encourage you to find an attorney with whom you can consult throughout the mediation when you have questions and need legal advice. At a minimum, you should consult with an attorney at the beginning of your mediation so that you are aware of your legal rights. In addition, many mediators ask that you have an attorney review your agreement before it can be submitted to the court and become legally binding.

Can I still hire or consult with an attorney if I choose divorce mediation?
Yes, you can always hire or consult with an attorney while attending divorce mediation, and many mediators encourage you to do so. However, usually you are asked not to initiate any legal action in court while your mediation is ongoing.

If I still have to hire an attorney, why do I even need divorce mediation?
First, you do not have to hire an attorney if you do not want to. Secondly, hiring an attorney for consultation purposes during mediation is different from and cheaper than hiring an attorney to represent you in court.

If you decide to consult with an attorney during your mediation, look for an attorney who is willing to assist you in this limited role. All that is often needed is a one- or two-hour consultation in the beginning so that you are aware of your legal rights.

Many attorneys also offer services to review a settlement agreement reached in mediation to make sure that your legal rights are protected. For more on this subject, read my article “Consulting an attorney during divorce mediation.”

Do I have to go to court?
No, generally you do not have to go to court if you choose divorce mediation. In rare circumstances, you may have to attend a hearing. Normally, the only contact you will have with the court is filing a petition or response in the beginning and submitting your agreement at the end of the process.

What is the difference between a Memorandum of Understanding and a Marital Settlement Agreement?
Most mediators prepare a “Memorandum of Understanding.” In this memorandum, the mediator captures every agreement you reach throughout the mediation. However, it is not a legally binding document. To make it legally binding, an attorney (or both of your attorneys together) will transfer it into a “Marital Settlement Agreement.” A marital settlement agreement becomes legally binding once you sign it and it becomes part of your divorce judgment.

Some mediators, who are also attorneys, agree to prepare such a marital settlement agreement for you without the need of hiring an attorney.

I heard that divorce mediation could help my children. Is this true?
Yes, in many cases, divorce mediation can help reduce the conflict and thus, the stress children experience during a divorce.

Co-parenting will be an important aspect of your mediation, and if done successfully, it can create a much healthier environment for your children. If both parents remain involved in the lives of their children and do so without unnecessary conflict, children will profit immensely from it. To learn more, read this article.

What happens if things don’t work out after we are divorced or if things change or we disagree on something?
If your circumstances change, you can always come back to negotiate changes to your agreement. Once you reach an agreement, it will be submitted to the court along with the necessary paperwork so that the modifications become legally binding.

I only want to get a legal separation. Can I use mediation, too?
Yes, you can use mediation to negotiate a separation agreement. It is not much different from a divorce agreement. Once you reach an agreement, you must submit it to the court along with other court forms necessary to get a judgment of legal separation.

We have never been married but need some kind of agreement to separate our lives? Can we use mediation?
Yes, even if you have never been married, you can take advantage of mediation to sort out your issues and reach an agreement. Especially when children are involved, mediation can be a helpful resource.

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Note: The information provided above is not legal advice. It only addresses general matters and should not be relied on by readers or considered legal advice. Only California law is addressed. Contact a lawyer in your state to discuss the specifics of your case and the applicable law.